The SFMTA recently sent me a survey asking about my “satisfaction” with how they are doing their job. There was no question about “ability to plan for San Francisco’s transit needs long term” or “abilty to bore a tunnel all the way to the Presidio,” so some of my need to complain was unmet.

HOWEVER, there was a whole page of (probably unintentionally) hilarious images that MUNI intends to use as informational icons. I filled in (mostly) serious answers for each, but then realized that this was my chance for quality sass.

Good luck finding the MUNI logo in the right color on the SFMTA website: they don’t like it and they expect that you shouldn’t feel anything like love or sentimentality towards it. I am including it here because I would like to sass not it, but the organization for which it stands.

Expect rolling delays

Customer Satisfaction Survey
Muni Decal Survey

Finally, you now have the exclusive opportunity to participate in a short survey to ensure the comprehension of new passenger information in Muni vehicles.

And you thought they smelled bad on the outside.

Imagine you are in a bus or a train and you see the following symbols posted inside the vehicle. Please describe, in a few words, what the symbols mean to you in the box provided below each symbol.

What does each symbol below mean to you? Please write your response in the box provided below the symbol.

VIDEOTAPE ALL SHENANIGANS*
It’s your only chance to get internet famous.

POLE DANCING ALLOWED
Get to it! You’re not taking that class for nothing.

THE FLOOR IS LAVA**
Please suspend yourself from the overhead bar.

WATCH OUT FOR URINE
For your convenience, we have diverted it into a unified stream***.

DON’T BE COOL.

SWEAR AT CYCLISTS
Poo poo head! Doo doo face! Pee pee bus!

SASHAY TO THE BACK
Please join the skinny people in the back of the bus. Points will be awarded for fierceness of walk.

* We would have also accepted “BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING” or simply “1984”
** The floor is not lava, it is something more horrible.
*** No, we have not, it is everywhere. Again, please suspend yourself from the overhead bar and just avoid touching… anything. Gloves? If you have gloves, they wouldn’t be a terrible idea.

I think that this article counts as a listicle, and as such you may feel free to heap me with scorn.