The Bayview Police Station puts out a weekly newsletter with safety tips and a crime report, often full of tales of incompetent criminals. You can sign up for the newsletter on the SFPD website or just read the updates on D10 Watch.

Most of the detailed crime descriptions happen around our neighborhood, but this time, the criminals struck right in our midst. At least they were not very successful:

On January 19th at 6:30 am, officers responded to the Dogpatch Saloon on the 2400 block of 3rd St. regarding a burglary in progress. They arrived to find the front window smashed and a subject standing directly outside the window looking in. The suspect then turned and began to walk away. He was detained by other officers in the area. Just then, a witness inside his home directly above the burglarized establishment shouted down to officers that there was still another suspect inside the premises. He explained that he was awoken by the sound of breaking glass and banging coming from inside the bar. He looked down to see a subject standing outside the broken window looking in. The police arrived shortly after at which point the subject shouted, “Five-O” into the window. (Five O is known throughout law enforcement as vernacular for “police”)
The officers created a perimeter around the building and did a systematic search of the establishment. They located the second suspect in the basement. He had wrapped himself up in chicken wire in an effort to avoid being detected. Once found however, he begged the officers to help him get free, as he had become stuck in the wire. He also admitted to the officers that he was trying to “steal a little something” so he wouldn’t get sick and lamented on the ineptness of his lookout, who did not warn him adequately of the impending arrival of the police. He was placed under arrest.
The witness to the incident positively identified the first subject that the police originally encountered standing in front of the establishment as the lookout who yelled “Five-O” to the suspect inside. He was placed under arrest. The owner of the bar was located and responded to the scene. He stated that aside from the broken window, two cash registers had been damaged as they were apparently thrown to the floor in an effort to get them to open. Both suspects were booked on burglary charges and conspiracy. One of the suspects was on probation for narcotics and had that probation status revoked. (SFPD
Case No. 120050773

Next time, hide in the piano!