This year your mother won’t have to swim out to the troop ships, because they will mostly be docking at Pier 80. In the past, naval ships would discharge their seamen all over Piers 30-32, but with America’s Cup encrusting that part of the city, Fleet Week has been forced to go down south.

Fleetweek says:

October 6th – 8th, 2012. Ship Tours are free on a 1st come-1st served basis. Minimum age for Ship Tours is 8. There is parking for the Ships Tours on Pier 80.

Instead of driving, transit-first folks could take the 22 to 20th, Caltrain or the 48 to 22nd, the T to 23rd, or just walk, because the readers of this blog all live in my apartment and are probably me.

Rumors that Dogpatch is calling in its Navy to deal with neighborhood aggression from Bernal or its secessionist state La Lengua are simply unfounded. If we wanted to rattle our saber, we’d bring back the carrier.

The Dogpatch Navy

In all seriousness, let’s welcome our men and women of the military. Every minute they are flying over or cavorting on the streets of San Francisco is a minute that they are not doing their job. Our job as citizens is to ensure that our soldiers and sailors — our brothers and sisters — do not have to use their tools for anything more devastating than setting off car alarms with awesome flyovers at high speed.